Is Your Water Clustered and Ionized?

If not, expect that the skin on the backs of your hands will mysteriously thin out as you get older, revealing more of the veins and bones within. In addition, your agility and speed will reduce, mental cognition will fade, and you will be prone to bouts of gas and lost TV remote controls. Yes ladies and gentlemen, all these horrible things and more will happen to you if you are not drinking clustered, ionized water.

Don’t believe me? Well just look around! The proof is everywhere. Did you know that we once lived on a planet that was full of vibrant, happy people living hundreds of years of disease free existence because the water was naturally clustered and ionized? Yes, it’s true. Water molecules were once more likely to lump together into smaller “clusters” of only a few molecules vs. the large clusters of molecules we now have. Right about the same time that commercial agriculture was being developed, water underwent a serious catastrophic change in the molecular energy of its ionized, magnetic potential for locomotive protuberances. The result is chunky water full of molecules that more closely resemble H2000O1000. Do you really want to be cramming your body full of those giant toxic water chunks? Are you nuts?!

Scientists all over the world have known for years of the existence of a top secret water de-chunkificator that provides them with the blissful existence of our ancient ancestors, who largely laid next to waterfalls while being fanned and fed grapes by a legion of servant lemurs. These scientists hung around in lab coats drinking the improved water and wringing their hands while laughing maniacally at the fate of innocent people like you! They knew that they had the secret, and you did not. They guarded it closely.

But now the secret is out! Out of the sheer goodness of his saintlike heart, Dr. Masuro Emoto has made this scientific sounding system available to everybody! In fact, the under-sink unit is available for a low, low price of ONLY $2,495.95 (plus $6.95 S&H). For a lifetime of orgasmic, chocolate flavored bliss, isn’t this a small price to pay? In addition, the unit comes with a cool screen that flashes various numbers which change when you press any of the equally cool buttons on the side.

QUICK!!! you need to order NOW as Dr. Emoto is being hunted by a team of evil scientists who are out to destroy civilization, shut down the release of this revolutionary technology, and populate the world with slime creatures who like to crawl up your pant legs and cause major skeeviness. These scientists will stop at nothing to shut down the selfless generosity shown by Dr. Emoto. Only YOU can take control by buying three or four of these units to give away to friends whose lives you want to improve. Just think of how much they’ll love you when you present them with a gift of a Dr. Emoto Water Ionization Clusterer Whizbang 1000! You’ll be the toast of the neighborhood! Everybody will love you for improving their lives, saving civilization, and stopping the slime creatures. Order now!

But WAIT! There’s more! Because we have been drinking this magic water, we have developed psychic abilities that allow us to determine that YOU (yes you, don’t look around the room) are the kind of person who is capable of and deserving to make giant, obscene piles of money. Don’t you deserve happiness and health? How would you like to make the world a better place, improve the health, happiness, and hair texture of all your friends, AND get richer than Bill Gates?

For a limited time, for only $1,000 extra, YOU can become and exclusive dealer of Dr. Emoto’s Super Duper Water system! Simply send in an extra $1,000 and you’ll get as many units as you’d like (minimum 50) for only $1,495 apiece! Simply re-sell the units to people who you care about for the standard $2,495.95 and earn $1,000.95 for yourself! Some quick math shows that you could literally earn 50million dollars in only 1 month.

What are you waiting for! Your new life awaits. Act now! Click HERE.

What is Skepticism?

Not too long ago, I went through a process of carefully and methodically pointing out the deficiencies in the arguments of a prolific YouTube posting asswipe who desperately needs a slap in the face with an inappropriate anatomical feature. His main argument was that evolution is an evil cabal and the greatest hoax played on humanity ever. His proof? Why were the arms of T-Rex so short?

Yep. That’s it. I could go into his arguments in more depth and the blinding stupidity he exudes in his posts, but that’s not the point of this column. You see, whenever I posted another comment pointing out an aspect of evolution that clearly answered the questions he was asking, he simply responded that I had given up my skeptical thinking and was buying into the BS being sold by the scientific community. He proudly wore the “skeptical” badge by refusing to believe pretty much anything anyone told him. Incidentally, he was not a supporter of ID or creationism either. His entire point was that we just don’t know, but that evolution is not the answer.

This fellow was clearly beyond hope and reason, but he did get me thinking about something. What is skepticism? We all know that there’s a big skeptical movement afoot, but what exactly qualifies as a “skeptical” idea, or position?

I’ll start by giving a rather non-controversial definition. Skepticism is the application of critical thinking to assess the validity of a claim or hypothesis. Note that I didn’t say “reject.” I said “assess.” While the word itself has negative connotations, its real application is anything but. The Youtube moron was cynical, not skeptical. Rejecting a theory because you don’t understand the answer to a question is not skepticism. If this man had simply left it at “I just don’t understand how evolution could have produced the variety of life that we have today,” I would have been okay with his holding on to the skeptical label. Instead, he replied to any and all posts against his ideas with such well thought out arguments as “OH MY GAWD.” His outright rejection of any and all evidence was not skepticism. It was intellectually lazy cynicism. Got a few minutes and want to try breaking through the 3 foot thick leaden skull of this gent? Click below:

Aforementioned Moron’s YouTube Channel

That said, do we sometimes see self proclaimed Skeptics behaving unskeptically? Oh yeah. Hey, I’m guilty of it too. We all are. If some new piece of evidence challenges our notion of someone or something, do we always critically analyze it before judging whether or not to abandon our previous notion? Not usually. Usually we ignore the evidence. Keep in mind, I’m talking about what all people do, not just what skeptics do.

Are you a Democrat? Name for me 1 piece of positive legislation that a Republican has put forth. If you can name several positive Democratic initiatives but no Republican ones. I guarantee that you’re not thinking skeptically. You are noticing the bad stuff coming from the GOP and the good stuff coming from your own team. Good ole’ confirmation bias rearing it’s head again. If you can’t name anything good from either side, you’re probably just not paying close attention to politics. Do you ever find yourself defending a lecherous pro athlete who happens to play for your favorite team? If so, would you impart the same vocal defense for the star player of that team you love to hate? What about a rather mediocre performance by your favorite actor/singer/performer? Would you defend it as “she made the most out of bad material,” or would you appropriately hold her feet to the coals of criticism while looking forward to her next (hopefully better) venture?

Skepticism asks that we critically analyze information and be ready to follow where the truth leads. Sometimes it leads to places we don’t necessarily want to go. Go anyway. Don’t be afraid, don’t be timid, don’t be defensive or upset. Just forge ahead and see what truth lies there. It’s one trip that I can honestly say is always worth the effort.