Monday, September 14, 2009

Tukata Guabini Floperta Spopplegonk

Perhaps one of the most confusing yet widespread beliefs held by Christians is that god will occasionally bestow upon a select few the ability to "speak in tongues." Presumably, this phenomenon takes place when a person begins rambling in some foreign language of which he is not familiar. Lamentably, the people surrounding him are also not familiar and cannot translate the babble. True believers hold that this is actually a spiritual language of god and we are simply not meant to understand.

I've only seen video recordings of this, and I have no desire to see or hear more. Interestingly, most modern Christians prefer to quietly ignore this phenomenon and claim that it's only performed by fringe extremists. They generally do not offer explanations for why Paul (the founder of Christianity) accepted it as a real gift from god. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul explained the rules under which people should be speaking in tongues during services, limiting the numbers to just two "speakers" as long as someone was there to translate. Of course, this contrasts with the modern argument that people cannot understand it due to its supernatural status. Once again, we see theology evolving to stay within the confines of science and knowledge.

Let me explain my concern with this. God, the founder of the universe, the almighty creator of everything, the setter of all the rules, the grand inquisitor nanny, decides to bestow upon a select few Christians (notice that this is specific to Christianity) the ability to speak in a language that neither the speaker nor the listeners can understand. This is a gift? We are told that god hears our very thoughts, so does he need to give somebody this linguistic ability so he may better understand them? Presumably not. Does the holy language pass along new messages and dictations for the people in attendance? Well, no. What exactly is this gift?

What if god bestowed upon me the "gift" of suddenly having the ability to cook inedible, poisonous food? How about the "gift" of being able to sense the presence of a T-Rex? Perhaps I'm just thinking in human terms. Perhaps I need to expand my definition of "gift" from "that which is intended to bring some measure of joy or usefulness."

When people act utterly crazy and unpredictable, we should be assessing their danger to themselves and others. When they act crazy and unpredictable within the setting of a religious service, they are seen as having received god personally. Instead of being helped, they are being envied for their spiritual strength. Others are then encouraged to act similarly bizarre. Humans are attention seeking animals so people continually one-up each other until all eyes are pointed at them. This holds until somebody begins burning their own flesh or playing with venomous snakes thereby garnering the attention for themselves. When does rationality bring everybody down from this dangerous game of "Look at Me!!!!?"

If I were to walk into a pentecostal revival and begin screaming that god has blessed me and needs me to pass along a message of redemption to all in attendance, I would likely be mobbed by the crowd eagerly looking to hear what I had to say. Now, put a few of those people on a sidewalk heading toward a park with their kids. Let me stand on the opposite side of the street and scream the exact same thing. As the rest of the people on the street wonder how to best deal with the raving lunatic (me), would these devout pentecostal Christians once again beg me to tell them the message? Would they feel bad for me or fear me just as the rest of the people on the street do? Jesus spoke to those and worked with those who needed him most, not those who already had their act together. Given this, wouldn't preaching on the street make more sense than preaching in the revival meeting? Wouldn't these devout believers lend more credence to my rantings on the street then?

Speaking in tongues is simply one more example of people engaging in mob mentality. As others behave a certain way, it begins to seem rational. Somebody gets the ball rolling somehow and people continue to escalate the bizarre behavior. We have seen this in religious and non-religious settings time and time again. Many of us have been guilty of succumbing to the influence of passions stoked by a crowd. It's a scary sight and it can lead to dangerous outcomes. We need to see things for what they are, not blindly respect things for what they claim to be. Speaking in tongues may be a harmless, weird way of gaining attention from the gullible. It may also prime people for taking that next step in believing something even more strange. When people are primed to believe anything no matter how outlandish, and they regularly engage in a mob mentality, no good can come of it.